My precious baby. A delight to my soul. Always wanting to be where I am, doing what I do. A momma in training. I marvel as I watch her heart for homemaking. Often asking me in almost desperation and angst, "Momma...what should I be when I grow up, I just can't decide?!" Even in the midst of the shelter of our home, she has picked up on a worldly message that says she has to "be" something more than she is. That she has to pursue career, money, achievement... And yet her pleas come from a place in her heart; a place that craves the simplicity and joy of home. A deep and inner calling that desires to be a wife and a mother above all. And so I affirm her, and yet gently remind her that mommas get to be a nurse, and a chef, and decorator, and gardener, and a teacher. That she can be all of things things as she simply pours out her gifts into the life of her husband, and her children. Oh, but she is only five, tender years old. I smile.... she has so much time.
Yet I am painfully aware at how much she watches my every move, mimicking even my facial expressions or hand motions as I speak. She watches how I tap the wooden spoon on the side of the pot after stirring delicious soup...and moments later, I watch her do the same thing, then glancing at me with a look of satisfaction. She is delighted to sort laundry, and organize closets. She adores cooking and gardening. She is always right beside me with her little metal spade, digging, weeding and planting. She finds tremendous joy in sorting laundry, folding towels, and ironing place mats. She loves all cleaning, especially if it involves a little spray bottle! And she delights most of all in taking care of babies. She is desperate for me to have another one so she can take care of it for me! Again, I smile....what delight. What a gift.
Oh Lord, that I would find such delight and wonder in the tasks of my day. That I wouldn't view them as mundane or as a simple list of chores to be checked off, or somehow accomplished. But instead, as opportunities to explore, to find myself, and to worship you. Just as this little one is looking at me, help me to look at her and desire to become a little more like her every day.
I am struck by the scripture this morning that urges to us "make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19) And I pause to think that we have so magnified those words ..make disciples, into "the great commission"...a great and ominous task. We have reduced them into a command that must be obeyed.
And yet, discipleship...is really imitation through relationship. Through continual time, fellowship and communion with another...we begin to take on their character, their nature. We find ourselves dressing like others, talking like others, even thinking like others....
I cringe at the times I've tried to MAKE myself or others a disciple for the Lord. When all the while, He only wants us hidden in deep, rich relationship with Him. And somewhere in all the time and fellowship spent with Him, we find ourselves thinking a little more like Him, acting a little more like Him. My thoughts becoming a little more like His, and my ways....a little more like ~ His. My heart learning to LOVE like He does.
As I look at this little one of mine, I ponder what she is becoming. Through time and relationship, she is becoming a follower of ~ me.
Certainly, she is becoming a disciple of the Lord, and growing up to follow hard after His Spirit...but she is following...me. She is imitating every word, every voice inflection, every motion of my hand.
As this realization begins to set it, I become increasingly humbled. The weight of the reality that my attitudes will form her attitudes sinks into my consciousness. I take a deeper look at my daily actions, words, attitudes...and prayerfully ask that they be worthy of imitation. That as this little child grows, and matures into a young lady, as she learns and develops the ideas, attitudes and skills that will shape her life...may they be that of a gentle and contrite spirit. May she smile at her tasks, and delight in the ordinary.
And so I draw her close, this little sponge of mine. finding joy in teaching her what it means to bake cinnamon rolls from scratch, and how to fold towels so they look pretty in the cabinet. How to write a letter of thanks for a graciously given gift. And somewhere, somehow, may I teach her, even in my own failure and weakness how to honor a husband, to be a helper and support. I pray that she find joy in teaching her children to read, and in helping a sick friend. And most of all, may she somehow learn to walk daily with the Lord, learning from His Spirit, and drawing from His grace.
Cinnamon Rolls
1/4 cup warm water
1/4 cup butter, melted
1/2 (3.4 ounce) package instant vanilla pudding mix
1 cup warm milk
1 egg, room temperature
1 tablespoon raw sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
4 cups whole wheat flour (or 1/2 unbleached)
1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup brown sugar
4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
3/4 cup chopped pecans
1/2 (8 ounce) package cream cheese, softened
1/4 cup butter, softened
1 cup confectioners' sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 teaspoons milk
DIRECTIONS
In the pan of your bread machine, combine water, melted butter, vanilla pudding, warm milk, egg, 1 tablespoon sugar, salt, bread flour and yeast. Set machine to Dough cycle; press Start.
When Dough cycle has finished, turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface and roll into a 17x10 inch rectangle. Spread with softened butter. In a small bowl, stir together brown sugar, cinnamon and pecans. Sprinkle brown sugar mixture over dough.
Roll up dough, beginning with long side. Slice into 16 one inch slices and place in 9x13 buttered pan. Let rise in a warm place until doubled, about 45 minutes. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C).
Bake in preheated oven for 15 to 20 minutes. While rolls bake, stir together cream cheese, softened butter, confectioners' sugar, vanilla and milk. Remove rolls from oven and top with frosting.
Photo: Cinnamon Roll Baking with Emily
