He Keeps the Key

"Is there some problem in your life to solve,
Some passage seeming full of mystery?
God knows, who brings the hidden things to light.
He keeps the key.



Is there some door closed by the Father's hand
Which widely opened you had hoped to see?
Trust God and wait - for when He shuts the door
He keeps the key.



Is there some earnest prayer unanswered yet,
Or answered NOT as you had thought 'twould be?
God will make clear His purpose by and by.
He keeps the key



Have patience with your God, your patient God,
All wise, all knowing, no long lingerer He,
And the door of all your future life
He keeps the key.



Unfailing comfort, sweet and blessed rest,
To know of EVERY door He keeps the key.
That He at last when just HE sees is best,
Will give it THEE.


Anonymous

Moving Along Slowly

A day behind....I read yesterday's reading of "Streams in the Desert" by L.B. Cowman. I chuckled....because in years past, I have delved into the New Year with a flurry of goal setting, and lists of new resolutions, and game plans for success.

This year has been different. I have struggled a little this year...I realized over and over where I fall so terribly short. All of my best laid plans often fall as rubble around my feet. All my best inspirations become soapboxes that somehow hurt and intimidate rather than inspire.

No....this year, as much as I want to lay out all my fitness goals, my health goals, my relationship goals, my home school goals, my spiritual goals.....etc etc....I am painfully aware today that I am not the commander of my own journey. Personal development gurus would argue differently, but my life experience has shown that "I am not my own" and my journey is not my own. I am most definitely on a path, and a long and wonderfully arduous journey...to the "High Places" but it is not of my own making.

As I realized I was a day behind in "Streams in the Desert", the quiet whisper of my Father spoke to my heart saying, "My sweet child, you are not behind, you are right where you should be." He looks down as a loving parent, takes my small trembling hand...and says to me,"I will move along slowly...since you have never been this way before." (Joshua 3:4)

And so it is with humility in my own journey that I offer in it's entirety the entry for January 3, taken directly from "Streams in the Desert" in hopes that just in case you are like me, and you simply cannot muster up exciting goals and plans for the coming year....knowing that you are powerless to achieve them on your own....I offer this gentle reminder that you are "just where you should be"....and we are all being led on this journey...by a loving and patient Father...who knows that we are but dust.

January 3

I (will) move along slowly at the pace of the droves before me and that of the children.

(Genesis 33:14)

What a beautiful picture of Jacob's thoughtfulness for the cattle and the children! He would not allow them to be driven too hard for even one day. He would not lead them at a pace equal to what a strong man like Esau could keep or expected them to keep, but only one as fast as they were able to endure. He knew exactly how far they could go in a a day, and he made that his only consideration in planning their travel. He had taken the same wilderness journey years before and knew from personal experience its roughness, heat and distance. And so he said, "I (will) move along slowly." "Since you have never been this way before" (Josh.3:4)

We "have never been this way before," but the Lord Jesus has. It is all untraveled and unknown ground to us, but He knows it all through personal experience. He knows the steep places that take our breath away, the rocky paths that make our feet ache, the hot and shadeless stretches that bring us to exhaustion, and the rushing rivers that we have to cross - Jesus has gone through it all before us. As John 4:6 shows, "Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down." He was battered by every possible torrent, but all the flood waters coming against Him never quenched His love. Jesus was made a perfect leader by the things he suffered. He knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust"(Psalm 103:14). Think of that when you are tempted to question the gentleness of His leading. He remembers all the time and will never make you take even one step beyond what your feet are able to endure. Never mind if you think you are unable to take another step, for either He will strengthen you to make you able, or He will call a sudden halt, and you will not have to take it at all. Frances Ridley Havergal

In "pastures green"? Not always; sometimes He

Who knowest best, in kindness leadeth me

In weary ways, where heavy shadows be.

So,whether on the hilltops high and fair

I dwell, or in the sunless valleys, where

The shadows lie, what matter? He is there

Barry

Trust and Rest

Trust and rest when all around you
Puts your faith to stringent test;

Let no fear or foe confound you,
Wait for God and trust and rest.

Trust and rest with heart abiding,
Like a birdling in its nest,
Underneath His feathers hiding,
Fold your wings and trust and rest.

"Trust in him." (Psalm 37:5

Today, I trust; and in trusting....Lord, draw me into your rest.

*(excerpt from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowan....December 15)

Unexpected Gifts

The season of gifts. It swirls around us during this time....the thrill of the giving...the excitement of the receiving. Gifts are truly wonderful things!

Noah Webster, in his 1828 dictionary defines a "gift" as "anything given or bestowed...transferred from one person to another without compensation".

I reflect on the what it means to open a gift....to hold the wonderfully wrapped package in our hands, wondering....dreaming...of what could be inside. Something special...indeed. Something intended JUST for me, true. With trembling hands, we untie the lovely bow and tear through the patterned papers that conceal our treasure. Still unknowing...it's contents still a mystery.

Oftentimes, it is the anticipation, the unknowing, the trembling hands that make the gift such a joyful occasion. Certainly, the gift itself is a blessing...usually something we have been hoping for, or something personal from someone who loves us dearly. A token, really, from the heart of another bestowed directly into our own hearts. A transfer of affection, tenderness.....a gift.

And yet, gifts...in all their wonder...can also be unexpected bestowments. A deeply hidden gift in the midst of something not nearly as beautiful as glittering bows and brightly colored paper.

Is it possible that these gifts, these loving treasures can be found at the end of a very long "unwrapping"? An unwrapping that is laced with pain, struggle, anguish...and even betrayal?

It is in these difficult seasons of our lives...that some of the most life-changing gifts are bestowed deeply into our souls. Gifts that only the very breath of heaven could deliver.

These are the unexpected gifts. For we find our faces marred with the dirt of life, and smeared with the anguish of our pain. It doesn't seem like a gift...it seems hard, and difficult. It seems like it might even crush us beneath it's weight. The pain of an ended relationship, the struggle of devastated finances, even the betrayal of those we thought would never leave us.

Ours is the wrapping of the forsaken, of the broken.

There is no glamour here...no glittering bow. Just pain.

And then...as the "unwrapping" draws to a close...we begin to SEE! Our eyes get to peek beyond the wrappings...and glimpse a gift! How like the Kingdom of God to be so opposite and almost contradictory in it's nature. We know that in order to be the first, we must be the last. In order to be the greatest, we must be the servant. We know that to live, we must first die.

Therein lies the gift. In the journeying through our striving...we find the gift of Peace.

In walking through the fires of refinement, we find the treasure of Purity and in ourselves a Reflection of Him.

At the end of a long list of bills, and a shallow bank account....we rage, we struggle, then we find Contentment, Gratitude and even the gift of Simplicity.

In enduring the yoke of heavy, difficult burdens, we find HIS yoke...that is Rest.

And in the ashes of devastation, the aftermath of being betrayed by those we held so dear... comes a double gift. First the gift of Freedom! The release to fully embrace the next gift, which is the gift of Himself. Drawing us in, holding us close, and whispering...."My Beloved,I will NEVER leave you, and will never, ever forsake you."

And in receiving HIS gifts.....we smile. For we then give the most precious gift back to the Giver.

John Bunyan calls it the "Acceptable Sacrifice, The Excellency of a Broken Heart".

"For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering. My sacrifice, the sacrifice acceptable to God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart...such, O God, You will not despise."

Psalm 51:16-17

(amplified)

Altered Horizons

"Every time we pray our horizon is altered, our attitude to things is altered, not sometimes but every time, and the amazing thing is that we don't pray more."

Oswald Chambers

Lord, that you would draw me into your innermost dwelling place, that my faulty sight would be divinely altered to see as you see....and to rest continually in prayer.

Photo: Sunset in my neighborhood

My Soul Finds Rest

"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone
is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2

O that I may know His rest today...when winds blow, and waves crash...may I remember that in His Presence is my peace. Rest O my soul...rest.

Photo: Waterfall at Fort Worth Botanic Gardens with Grandaddy

Be Still, and Know...

"Be still, and know that I am God..."

Psalm 46:10

Soothing balm to my anxious heart....Be still, and know...

Life happens, emotions swirl, heart hurts....and He beckons me to Be still...

I strive, I toil, trying to fix, trying to orchestrate....Be still...my beloved...be still.

Relationships crumble, plans fail...be still, and know.

It is a difficult divine whisper to hear, amid the clamor and the chaos. This urging to "be still"...doesn't come naturally to my flesh...

But my Spirit basks in it...yearns for it.

The pages of my Bible are tattered and stained at the site of this passage... it is a passage He draws me back to, again, and again, and yet again.

Because somehow...I don't live here. Instead, I rest, I recoup...then I pull up my bootstraps and head back into the storm.

This time is different. I observe the storm raging, some days more than others...and humbly realize my place in it. Not so much in the braving of the crashing winds and enduring the torrential rains beating fiercely upon my face. But rather, tucked deeply away in the safety and comfort of His presence.

In stillness I wait....

Be still, cease striving (the NAS reminds me)...and know that I am God.

It is not yours to control, it is not yours to weather...for He longs to show me the tiny, calm center that is in the midst of every storm, that is Himself.

And so in this early morning, as a thunderstorm booms in the darkness, and rain pours down outside my window...I am stilled...and my soul is quieted.

Knowing...Resting...Waiting....

Photo: My tattered Bible...

He is Enough...

The early morning….still dark, I am drawn outside to walk, to talk with the Lord. And so I ventured out, camera in hand, jacket on my back to shelter me from the chilly air. My heart is adventurous, anticipating what beauty I will find in this wee hour, as the sun is beginning to light the world.

I am immediately struck by my neighborhood, identical houses, street lights symmetrically placed to shed artificial light on our homes. I begin to take pictures of this manufactured life that our society has all created, saddened in a way by it’s existence. But I wait….in expectation…for the sun is still about to rise.

The neighborhood is beginning to awaken, cars seem to crowd out my thoughts with their engines running, as they roar past me on the way to their jobs, their activities, their busy, busy lives. I breathe out the frustration….okay, now…to find the stillness, the quiet that my soul craves. I almost hear it ~ it is almost within reach…this silence. Yet as I walk by a house with a garish, blow up witch popping out of an eerie blow up pot (leftover from Halloween…), I cringe….Assaulted in a way.

My heart is searching, aching, longing for peace….for beauty, and I pray…

My feet plod along on the concrete, I walk past oil pumps toiling to pump fuel out of the ground for our never ending needs for fuel. And all the while I keep glancing toward the sunrise…even positioning myself so that I can “catch” it the moment it peeks it’s head above the horizon. A perfect crown for my “quiet” morning….I hope. At least I’ll get to see the sun rise…. yet…..still no sun.

More and more cars, leave their homes and roar past me…drowning my silence, and squelching the small voice of my Father. I cry out! I anguish! Lord, why??!! Why do you have me here..??? I was perfectly content in the mountains of Colorado, living on the beautiful Broce Ranch…snow capped mountains as my backdrop, amazing evergreen trees, magnificent elk and other wildlife traipsing through our front pasture…. But here??!!! Why!?

Has the sun come up yet??!! Not yet….yet the world is growing strangely light….as if the sun came up, without a sunrise. I am waiting for it, waiting, NEEDING to see it. And the world toils on….never stopping to even cast a glance! I begin to feel the grief of the Father….who provides so much for us all every day….and yet we never even stop….no, most never even PAUSE to take it in, or offer gratitude.

My walk is almost over….there has been no beautiful sunrise….only a dawning of a new day without pomp, without circumstance….it just got light. My soul aches.

And I pray…then I notice the shape of a cross in the manufactured concrete sidewalk …and my eyes begin to glaze with tears. This is a small crucifixion for me…a dying to something I hold oh so dear….. This is my desert, this place where there are no props, no aesthetically pleasing surroundings….only hard and difficult things…..and my thoughts drift to a man who had all things he loved stripped away. His family, his homes, his wealth, his friends, ….I groan inwardly…and his words echo in my mind…

"Though he slay me, yet I will hope in him..."

Job 13:15

As I round the corner to my street I glance up to notice the street sign above my head…..Diamond Lake…(Oh, wouldn’t that be nice….a crisp, cool beautiful lake, nestled in the mountains…shimmering like diamonds?)….and there perched on top of it, was the “cross” street…..THORNTREE.

…A thorny crown, pressed painfully into the precious head of my Lord……and a rugged, terrible tree, that he willingly died upon….an agonizing death….

And though, my eyes never saw the sunrise that they longed for….it is enough. Dayenu.

He is enough. If I never leave this neighborhood, if I grow old in this manufactured little house, in it’s man made street, with it’s lights, cars, sidewalks, and shoebox size back yards…..It is enough.

For my joy doesn’t come in the forests and the flowers, or even in a magnificent sunrise…. It comes in finding myself hidden in Him.

Dayenu…It is enough.

He is my all in all….anything else…. is extra.

Dayenu

Photos: Early Morning walk through neighborhood

Quiet Waters

"He leads me beside quiet
waters, He restores my soul..."

Psalm 23:2-3

Another early morning, 2:00am...sick children, the slightest sounds stir and awaken my slumbering eyes. Though I try, I cannot find sleep again as thoughts, anxieties, simple "to do" lists begin to flood my mind. I am struck this morning at the sheer "busyness" that invades our lives, and steals our peace. I have consciously simplified, intentionally chosen a slower pace, a quiet life... and still, the tasks at hand, the pressures of the world, the weight of life...seem to take me to a heightened pace that makes my head spin. Though I must say, I am growing to love these early morning hours... I am reminded of the gentle hymn which was sung tenderly throughout my childhood by my mom...

"I come to the garden
alone, while the dew is still on the roses
(that's really early morning...)

and the voice I hear, falling on my
ear

the Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with
me,

And tells me I am His own.

And the joy we share as we tarry
there,

None other, has ever known."

She touched something early on in her walk with the Lord, that I am just now fully grasping. The intimacy and the filling of the Lord in those early hours, the lingering in his Presence...the basking in the warmth of His Spirit. In my younger years, I "tried" it...as if it were a "to do" list, something to be accomplished rather than experienced. I expected tangible, almost audible experiences with the Lord...needing fuel for the day, for my busy...busy life. A "checkmark" of sorts. And now I realize it wasn't about my needs, or my agendas....it was about Abba's desire to pull me up onto His lap, pull my face close to His and whisper sweet nothings into my spirit.

I think of my babies... and how just yesterday, Emily just spontaneously climbed up into my lap... took both of my cheeks in her tiny hands....looked me directly in the eyes, and said "I love you so much mommy"... then planted the most tender kiss on my lips. I wrapped her in my arms, inhaled her sweetness, and experienced an intimacy that was beyond a child's hug. I touched heaven at that moment....and thought of the scripture that speaks of how much more our Father in heaven cares for us...

Life is busy, "to do" lists...must get done, homeschool lessons must be taught to eager children, dinner must get cooked, laundry must get cleaned, toilets must get scrubbed...but I long for the ability to do it all WHILE abiding deeply in His presence. Brother Lawrence writes of the ability to carry on daily, even mundane tasks yet never breaking the continual communion with the Spirit of God. He says,

"There is no sweeter manner of of living in the world than continuous communion with God."

Brother Lawrence

I long for just that..."continuous communion" with God. How often I try to fill this deep, insatiable thirst....with cheap, substitutes. I try to fill my own cup through relationships, through activity, through intellectual stimulus...and yet I am as dry, and parched as ever. And God beckons...calls unto us...as deep calls unto deep...

"My people...they
have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns,
broken cisterns that can hold no water"

Jeremiah 2:13

There is no substitute...busyness, activity...even religious activity...are just counterfeits for the pure, clear, living water that God offers us....in Himself.

Once again, the sun is rising outside...dogs are beginning to bark in the neighborhood, activity is beginning to stir...and while my little ones are still sleeping soundly....it is only a matter of time before they awaken...and our day will start. Yes, my list of tasks is here in front of me, yet today may I receive the gift of Grace that is given so freely. May I somehow walk out my activity...while carefully, quietly...remaining beside those quiet waters...