Growing New Muscles

New Years resolutions often bring a new workout plan. Goals for a new and lean body....my plans went deeper than that this year. I have watched my own body change after having three babies, and creep dangerously close to the forty year mark. And with those changes have come aches and pains and creaking joints in my body that are only a result of a sedentary lifestyle.

Earlier this year, I went for the major cardiovascular workout....cardio kickboxing. It was lots of fun, and I certainly saw some changes in my body....although none worth the insane amounts of energy I was putting into the workouts. I was watching my diet, working out at least five days a week, and still....only minor body changes.

Discouragement was setting in. Then I ordered a new program. By the same creator of the cardio program I had done, but this one was a super intense, 3 month phase, strength and weight training program, based on the solid fact that "muscle burns fat".

I scraped all my money together, bought the program and some weights, figured out the eating plan that came with the program....and dove in! I just finished my first week....and OH MY GOODNESS!!!!! I moaned in bed this morning as I tried to roll over and all the muscles in my aching rear end (from all the weight laden lunges) screamed at me! Every day has been that way, my body fighting against the pain....and loving it at the same time.

Chalene Johnson, the creator of this workout program, often says, while we are working with gritted teeth to push up one, painfully slow repetition of weight...."Your body LOVES muscle!" It is true....my back pain is gone this week, I feel stronger and taller, and amazingly in just a few short days, I am seeing muscle tone!

And as I rolled out of bed this morning...I pondered what in interesting irony that the very thing that seems like it is sooooo hard, that wants to defeat us, that would be so easy to put down and escape from....is the very thing that makes us stronger. This year of refinement and struggle in our family has shown me that. People have known it for ages...."that which doesn't kill you, makes you stronger." Yet somehow, this morning, it kind of sunk in to my soul on a very tangible level...as my aching body reminded me that I am not dead, but very much alive....and stronger.

Oftentimes, the refinement comes in waves. Not just one difficulty, but a whole plate of things that seem overwhelming and crushing. Kind of like adding metal weights onto my dumbells....on purpose. I smile as I think I can't lift anymore, and Chalene says, "go heavy or go home baby!". And so not to be outdone, I add another weight....making the reps just that much more difficult.

Chuckling this morning, I look back over the year, and even still a little now....and see the hand of God, gently and deliberately adding another "weight" to my life. To my already struggling life, weighted with pain or grief, or struggle....He says....how about just a little more?

And yet, as I am beginning to understand my physical body and the way that extra little weight, and the super slow repetitions tear down the muscle and cause it to rebuild stronger, I can see that the little "extra" situations in my already difficult struggles, are what make all the difference in the spiritual process for my soul as well.

Sure you can lift lighter weights, and do tons of repetitions....but the really amazing results come from heavy, heavy weights and fewer, painfully slow repetitions. And contrary to popular belief...it doesn't cause abnormal bulking up. It creates, lean and beautiful muscle and physique.

And so in the Spirit, I wonder if God doesn't do the same work in us. Sure He could give us a few little struggles here and there, and keep them going and going and going. But the truth is He knows that is ineffective. And so He pours it on instead, one after another, after another, until we think we are going to die under the strain. We even "weep for the night", but indeed JOY comes in the morning!

As Christians, we have learned to rebuke the "attack" from the Evil One. That somehow anything bad that happens to us can't be from God. But I truly am seeing for myself that it is a matter of perspective. Just as I look down at my ugly, metal dumbells...they represent pain and anguish for me. Nothing in me WANTS to pick them up and cause the pain and ache in my own body, but I do it for what is on the other side of the pain.

I could "rebuke" them and put them aside, choose a different path....of ease and comfort. But sadly that path, that choice leaves me about 20 pounds overweight, flabby and miserable. Comfortable to be sure....but miserable in the end.

And so I welcome a new morning of weights and painful lifting, because I know that in three months when the last phase is completed, I will be stronger, taller, more confident, and so much closer to the "me" that I was created to be.

I have been in about nine months of intense personal fire and refinement...and yet today, I am not in agony over it. I can see that in walking through it, and embracing it....in enduring the pain and letting it do it's work in me....I am changed.

I only wish we could take Spiritual "before and after" pictures as easily as we can physical ones. To SHOW the change, to SEE the inner transformation.

And even though this season of refinement feels like it might be drawing to a close for now, I know that it is only a season...and that heat will return. I smile a little, not because I look forward to more refinement....but for the image of God in me that comes on the other side of those fires.

I willingly submit.

New Beginnings

"Behold I will make ALL things new..." Jesus

In the depths of the winter...all is quiet. All is dormant...all is seemingly dead. We speak almost in hushed tones as we journey through it, knowing.

What is it that is happening in under the drifts of snow, and the freezing temperatures? All outward show of life is gone... Some of us are in the winters of our lives. All the green and vibrant life of Spring and Summer have passed away, we are left with deep browns and grays, chilly winds, and heavy weight of snow.

Will we survive it we ask? Will Spring truly come again?....We doubt, we wonder...we anguish.

And yet there is beauty in the dying, because we know...we know in the depths of our being that the dying is only the prerequisite to living! Oh how I ache to live!

As these last days of 2008 draw to a close, I am tucking away all that these months have held. The lessons, the pain, the refinement, the betrayals. I am forever changed by it all. I wouldn't change any of the struggle that my family has endured this year...because I know that in the death to so many things...life is waiting to spring up from somewhere beyond it. I tenderly reminisce over the joys, the laughter, the memories of so many precious and wonderful gifts woven graciously throughout the pain. What blessing!

I ponder the whole advent season that we have just finished...glorious yes. But I know that God intentionally obscured His "coming"....and He purposed it to be very small and almost hidden...for it wasn't the coming, or the birth that He desires us to lay hold of. He came not in pomp and circumstance to show His glory and be hailed as deliverer. Instead, He came....to die. And the glorious, and truly significant part that He beckons us to remember is that He did not evade death....He defeated death.

He went there. He endured the shame and pain of being betrayed by those who professed loudly and wholly their love for him. It's why he came. He walked through an unfair and circus of a trial...resulting in horrible mockery and merciless beating. It's why He came.

Finally, He willingly and knowingly submitted to agonizing and final death on a cross meant for a criminal. It's why He came.

Those who professed their love so ardently, were no where to be found. They had betrayed Him and hung Him out to dry. The only ones who faithfully stayed the course with Him...were His dear mother and a couple of His truest and most intimate friends. That's all. No throng of supporters, no family, no other "friends".... No, those "loved ones" had fed Him to the wolves. They participated in his crucifixion. But then again, it's why He came.

And as the darkness of the cave enveloped His body, as the depths of His "winter" fully settled over him... the sting was gone. Death had occurred...as agonizing, and unfair, and tormenting as it was....it was why He came. But the sting of death itself was gone.

He came to die. And yet.....He came, so that He could be resurrected out of death. And while it was a necessary part...the death was only a means to an end.

Hope springs up in my heart! The death that has been so agonizing in my heart, is only serving another purpose. It is ONLY a means to an end.

The end is Life.

I am reminded of the words of Jesus, "I came that you might have life and have it to the fullest."

Could it be that fullness is what awaits this dark, cold, lifeless winter?

I feel it. My soul trembles at the realization.

And so I pack away these last remnants of 2008, and I let them have their death.

It is indeed the season of new beginnings...not because I have resolved it to be so. No amount of goal setting or resolutions will achieve what my soul longs for.

But the Giver of Life does. And He does it well.

Thankfully, He doesn't "recycle" or "reinvent" the old....sprucing it up and doing a heavenly patch job on our lives.

No ......the death happens, the absolute end is necessary.

Then from the whispers of my very Spirit....come his words,

"Behold I make all things NEW"!

I wait, and I know.....these last days of winter are lingering....but my soul knows, and it beckons me...

"Be still....and KNOW."

Trust and Rest

Trust and rest when all around you
Puts your faith to stringent test;

Let no fear or foe confound you,
Wait for God and trust and rest.

Trust and rest with heart abiding,
Like a birdling in its nest,
Underneath His feathers hiding,
Fold your wings and trust and rest.

"Trust in him." (Psalm 37:5

Today, I trust; and in trusting....Lord, draw me into your rest.

*(excerpt from Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowan....December 15)

Unexpected Gifts

The season of gifts. It swirls around us during this time....the thrill of the giving...the excitement of the receiving. Gifts are truly wonderful things!

Noah Webster, in his 1828 dictionary defines a "gift" as "anything given or bestowed...transferred from one person to another without compensation".

I reflect on the what it means to open a gift....to hold the wonderfully wrapped package in our hands, wondering....dreaming...of what could be inside. Something special...indeed. Something intended JUST for me, true. With trembling hands, we untie the lovely bow and tear through the patterned papers that conceal our treasure. Still unknowing...it's contents still a mystery.

Oftentimes, it is the anticipation, the unknowing, the trembling hands that make the gift such a joyful occasion. Certainly, the gift itself is a blessing...usually something we have been hoping for, or something personal from someone who loves us dearly. A token, really, from the heart of another bestowed directly into our own hearts. A transfer of affection, tenderness.....a gift.

And yet, gifts...in all their wonder...can also be unexpected bestowments. A deeply hidden gift in the midst of something not nearly as beautiful as glittering bows and brightly colored paper.

Is it possible that these gifts, these loving treasures can be found at the end of a very long "unwrapping"? An unwrapping that is laced with pain, struggle, anguish...and even betrayal?

It is in these difficult seasons of our lives...that some of the most life-changing gifts are bestowed deeply into our souls. Gifts that only the very breath of heaven could deliver.

These are the unexpected gifts. For we find our faces marred with the dirt of life, and smeared with the anguish of our pain. It doesn't seem like a gift...it seems hard, and difficult. It seems like it might even crush us beneath it's weight. The pain of an ended relationship, the struggle of devastated finances, even the betrayal of those we thought would never leave us.

Ours is the wrapping of the forsaken, of the broken.

There is no glamour here...no glittering bow. Just pain.

And then...as the "unwrapping" draws to a close...we begin to SEE! Our eyes get to peek beyond the wrappings...and glimpse a gift! How like the Kingdom of God to be so opposite and almost contradictory in it's nature. We know that in order to be the first, we must be the last. In order to be the greatest, we must be the servant. We know that to live, we must first die.

Therein lies the gift. In the journeying through our striving...we find the gift of Peace.

In walking through the fires of refinement, we find the treasure of Purity and in ourselves a Reflection of Him.

At the end of a long list of bills, and a shallow bank account....we rage, we struggle, then we find Contentment, Gratitude and even the gift of Simplicity.

In enduring the yoke of heavy, difficult burdens, we find HIS yoke...that is Rest.

And in the ashes of devastation, the aftermath of being betrayed by those we held so dear... comes a double gift. First the gift of Freedom! The release to fully embrace the next gift, which is the gift of Himself. Drawing us in, holding us close, and whispering...."My Beloved,I will NEVER leave you, and will never, ever forsake you."

And in receiving HIS gifts.....we smile. For we then give the most precious gift back to the Giver.

John Bunyan calls it the "Acceptable Sacrifice, The Excellency of a Broken Heart".

"For You delight not in sacrifice, or else would I give it; You find no pleasure in burnt offering. My sacrifice, the sacrifice acceptable to God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart...such, O God, You will not despise."

Psalm 51:16-17

(amplified)

My Soul Finds Rest

"My soul finds rest in God alone;
my salvation comes from him.
He alone
is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken."
Psalm 62:1-2

O that I may know His rest today...when winds blow, and waves crash...may I remember that in His Presence is my peace. Rest O my soul...rest.

Photo: Waterfall at Fort Worth Botanic Gardens with Grandaddy

Be Still, and Know...

"Be still, and know that I am God..."

Psalm 46:10

Soothing balm to my anxious heart....Be still, and know...

Life happens, emotions swirl, heart hurts....and He beckons me to Be still...

I strive, I toil, trying to fix, trying to orchestrate....Be still...my beloved...be still.

Relationships crumble, plans fail...be still, and know.

It is a difficult divine whisper to hear, amid the clamor and the chaos. This urging to "be still"...doesn't come naturally to my flesh...

But my Spirit basks in it...yearns for it.

The pages of my Bible are tattered and stained at the site of this passage... it is a passage He draws me back to, again, and again, and yet again.

Because somehow...I don't live here. Instead, I rest, I recoup...then I pull up my bootstraps and head back into the storm.

This time is different. I observe the storm raging, some days more than others...and humbly realize my place in it. Not so much in the braving of the crashing winds and enduring the torrential rains beating fiercely upon my face. But rather, tucked deeply away in the safety and comfort of His presence.

In stillness I wait....

Be still, cease striving (the NAS reminds me)...and know that I am God.

It is not yours to control, it is not yours to weather...for He longs to show me the tiny, calm center that is in the midst of every storm, that is Himself.

And so in this early morning, as a thunderstorm booms in the darkness, and rain pours down outside my window...I am stilled...and my soul is quieted.

Knowing...Resting...Waiting....

Photo: My tattered Bible...