Another early morning walk….earlier this time, a search for a quieter experience, proved true. As I donned my workout clothes and tied the laces of my shoes…I thought nervously, “do I really dare walk while it is still dark?” Married 16 years to a police officer will do that to a woman…caution. And so placing my cell phone in my pocket (just in case), I ventured out….The air was damp with humidity, the dogs were silent this time, no cars leaving for work, no rumbling engines, or loud highway sounds filtering into my neighborhood. Yes, still a basic, run of the mill neighborhood and certainly not the beauty that I found at Broce Ranch in Evergreen Colorado (photos)…., but instead of being assaulted by the sheer busyness….today, I felt the silence.
As my steps padded the pavement, a certain rhythm emerged, and I found myself breathing in the cool, Autumn air…and my spirit began to stir.
Initially, my prayers were for thanksgiving, for praise, …eventually they moved toward myself and my personal walk with the Lord, crying out for more of Him, and less of this world. On the dawn of this new day, I laid before Him my anxious thoughts about this new President of ours. Election reports still ringing in my ears, my gut wrenched. What will become of our nation with a man like that in office….I cried out. And yet, the gentle reminder from within that beckoned me to trust Him…for He alone has raised up this leader, and He alone knows the plan for our country. My heart sickens a little, wondering, knowing really, that humility and brokenness are the in the future for this country. The journey ahead is unknown, but I exhale…and breathe in trust…in One who knows…and who’s plan was set before the foundations of the earth. This election was no surprise to Him….He raised him up….for such a time as this. Oh America, humble yourselves, turn to the one who set us apart…return to the One…who was our first love. I ache for our nation….I ache for the apathetic Christians in our nation who have so mixed and mingled with the world that we are indistinguishable from it.
Just yesterday, the kids and I were reading how the Children of Israel, once again began to complain to Moses…even after all of Gods miraculous intervention, all of His mercy….in spite of it all…they insisted on idols, insisted on turning their hearts to Egypt, and almost welcoming(even desiring) the bondage there, over the need to trust Him in desert. And we read, how they began to show discontentment toward the manna….the very sustenance of God himself. Demanding, MEAT….Oh, how that is our nation….it wasn’t enough that God drew us out from the rule of of an oppressive England, it wasn’t enough that he prospered us, it wasn’t enough that poured out his blessing again and again…still we allowed the “mixed multitudes” to influence and draw us into discontentment. Even though slaves, the Hebrews longed to be cared for by the Egyptians, provided for….even if it cost their freedom. So it is in this modern day land of ours. We demand MEAT! We are entitled to it! Give it! NOW!
As the kids and I read this story, we saw how God granted their demand…causing the quail to fly in, in an eerie almost plaguelike moment. Has God granted our “demand”? They were giddy….catching them, killing them, gorging themselves on this “meat”….that they had demanded. And they ate, and they gorged, and they ate some more…..until they were sick. Their greediness, their desire had not seen past their instant provision….but the result of that provision was sickness, death, a plague of gut wrenching illness…..brought on by their gluttonous hearts. Many, many died….succombing to the death brought on by the very thing that they thought they wanted.
My seven year old Reaghan, during the narration, the telling back of what we had read…. Said, “even though God knew that the manna was better for them, they thought it was boring and so God gave them the meat they wanted. But sometimes, what we want is not what is good for us. They had to die before they realized they should have been grateful for the manna.” Out of the mouth of babes….
And so on this quiet morning….a silence fills the air. An entire nation of people…wait. Some rejoicing and dancing at the prospect of this new leader, and some sickened and beginning to fall on their faces before God, knowing that on some level….the nation has gotten what it asked for….and the repercussions may…be… a death to all we have known.
The words of 2 Chronicles 7:14 thunder in my ears...
"If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land." (amplified)
What does it mean to be HIS? Am I really...His? Is He really my Lord? Or am I “my own”? …..
My heart longs to know…what does it mean to be called by His name?NAME in the ancient text refers to…..nature.
We use his “name” as if some magic letters J-E-S-U-S… are going to make it so.
And yet all through scripture, we see it is never that easy…as a “magic” word. When the God of the Universe “calls someone by name” or “changes their name”….He usually walks them through some experience, wereby He CHANGES their very nature into His own. An ending of the old….a death to who they’ve been, the dawning of the new…..and as they emerge out of the darkness of the refinement experience…they are NEW.
And so…I ponder this morning as my neighborhood sleeps….what is our nature? Wheat and Tares are grown up together…and only God can tell us apart.
It starts with me….What is MY nature? My heart wrenches at the realization of all the areas in my own life, my own walk…that do not reflect His Nature.
My carnal inclination is to “fix” this problem, to dust off my list of rules….the detailed picture of how a Christian should live…then grit my teeth, and make myself follow those rules. Or at least be a good “witness” by looking like I follow the rules.
But He calls me deeper….As deep calls unto deep….He says simply, COME. Come to me…drink of me….sup with me….fellowship with me….
Drawing me, yearning for me….to simply come. And in the very coming, a small piece of my flesh dies. I drink deeply of his cup….his presence, his life…and a gentle transformation, begins to take place.
No list of rules….no determination….just intimate fellowship with the Lover of my Soul!
My carnal mind screams that there is NO way, it is this easy…there must be something I can DO!
I think back to a lengthy and hard discussion had with my Brayden…my precious nine year old son….on the power of associations. We’ve always heard “you become like the people you hang around”….have we not?
I have watched as a sensitive, tender boy with natural leadership ability, has spent far too much time around others who live differently, talk differently, act differently…whose core values are vastly different from our own. And then, found myself shocked when after a few weeks of continual summer play with these same children… my tender son, now mocks and disdains his sisters. His once transparent heart, is now deceitful and sneaky. His respectful obedience to his parents has been replaced with rolling eyes, and an argumentative spirit. And the Spirit speaks….you are surprised by this? A pulling back was necessary...and just now after two months of changing the friends, limiting the influences...we are seeing the sweet nature returning.
And so, if this nation is to be transformed, if we are to see godly leaders in our nations highest offices, it must start on a heart level. For the Kingdom of God does not come through legislation….but through relationship…where those of us who call our selves by his Name….find their own “closet”, and gets intimately acquainted with Abba, and through communion, and fellowship, and stillness in His presence…He lays us bare….opens us up….and begins to gently wash, nurture and prune our lives, pouring forth Himself, and therefore His character into our souls.
And we find all of those things that so easily ensnared us…our pride, our self sufficiency, our self righteousness, our lying tongues, and our lustful eyes, our bitterness….begin to fade and be weeded out of our hearts.
And without striving, without anguishing….He says, “Be still….and know”, and we rest.
And I cry out with Much Afraid, in Hannah Hurnard's classic book, “Hinds Feet on High Places”….”Oh, Lord….tie me to the altar…that I may NOT be caught struggling.”
And it starts with pulling back…silencing those influential voices that sway my heart and keep my flesh alive and well….and allowing Him to draw me into the Holy of Holies. To linger there in that place, to gaze deeply and long…at His face…and to inhale His holiness, and His righteousness….
And in doing so…my name is changed….
And He smiles
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