Quiet Waters

"He leads me beside quiet
waters, He restores my soul..."

Psalm 23:2-3

Another early morning, 2:00am...sick children, the slightest sounds stir and awaken my slumbering eyes. Though I try, I cannot find sleep again as thoughts, anxieties, simple "to do" lists begin to flood my mind. I am struck this morning at the sheer "busyness" that invades our lives, and steals our peace. I have consciously simplified, intentionally chosen a slower pace, a quiet life... and still, the tasks at hand, the pressures of the world, the weight of life...seem to take me to a heightened pace that makes my head spin. Though I must say, I am growing to love these early morning hours... I am reminded of the gentle hymn which was sung tenderly throughout my childhood by my mom...

"I come to the garden
alone, while the dew is still on the roses
(that's really early morning...)

and the voice I hear, falling on my
ear

the Son of God discloses.

And He walks with me, and He talks with
me,

And tells me I am His own.

And the joy we share as we tarry
there,

None other, has ever known."

She touched something early on in her walk with the Lord, that I am just now fully grasping. The intimacy and the filling of the Lord in those early hours, the lingering in his Presence...the basking in the warmth of His Spirit. In my younger years, I "tried" it...as if it were a "to do" list, something to be accomplished rather than experienced. I expected tangible, almost audible experiences with the Lord...needing fuel for the day, for my busy...busy life. A "checkmark" of sorts. And now I realize it wasn't about my needs, or my agendas....it was about Abba's desire to pull me up onto His lap, pull my face close to His and whisper sweet nothings into my spirit.

I think of my babies... and how just yesterday, Emily just spontaneously climbed up into my lap... took both of my cheeks in her tiny hands....looked me directly in the eyes, and said "I love you so much mommy"... then planted the most tender kiss on my lips. I wrapped her in my arms, inhaled her sweetness, and experienced an intimacy that was beyond a child's hug. I touched heaven at that moment....and thought of the scripture that speaks of how much more our Father in heaven cares for us...

Life is busy, "to do" lists...must get done, homeschool lessons must be taught to eager children, dinner must get cooked, laundry must get cleaned, toilets must get scrubbed...but I long for the ability to do it all WHILE abiding deeply in His presence. Brother Lawrence writes of the ability to carry on daily, even mundane tasks yet never breaking the continual communion with the Spirit of God. He says,

"There is no sweeter manner of of living in the world than continuous communion with God."

Brother Lawrence

I long for just that..."continuous communion" with God. How often I try to fill this deep, insatiable thirst....with cheap, substitutes. I try to fill my own cup through relationships, through activity, through intellectual stimulus...and yet I am as dry, and parched as ever. And God beckons...calls unto us...as deep calls unto deep...

"My people...they
have forsaken me the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns,
broken cisterns that can hold no water"

Jeremiah 2:13

There is no substitute...busyness, activity...even religious activity...are just counterfeits for the pure, clear, living water that God offers us....in Himself.

Once again, the sun is rising outside...dogs are beginning to bark in the neighborhood, activity is beginning to stir...and while my little ones are still sleeping soundly....it is only a matter of time before they awaken...and our day will start. Yes, my list of tasks is here in front of me, yet today may I receive the gift of Grace that is given so freely. May I somehow walk out my activity...while carefully, quietly...remaining beside those quiet waters...